All that they say about love is completely true. The authors, poets, philosophers, film makers, and artists were not lying. All the rumors of its misery, its elation, and its insanity is completely and utterly accurate.
The last person I was with was my best friend before we started dating. When things finally ended, I half-expected to be won back and wooed into love because it's what always what happens in the movies, right? There is always the dramatic ending scene where one person runs down the street in the pouring rain to the other's house, sweeps them off their feet, and all is right with the world. (
Romantic Movie Scenes....awwww) My ex told me in the end that things like that did not exist and that people did not really do that no matter how much love there was. I absolutely refused to believe him. I did not want to give up on that dream.
One of my best friends here in Germany, Julia, is a bartender at the Irish pub I frequent (to say I frequent it is an understatement). One night in November, she asked me to meet her at the pub as it was her night off. I walked in and said hello to Julia and saw a face that I did not recognize. Byron from Wales, also a bartender, was sitting with her and unfortunately for both of us, the attraction was instant, but I had just ended an engagement. Obviously the timing was off, so we became good friends instead.
On a cold and rainy December night, I parted ways with Byron at the train station in town. Angry and confused at how I felt for him, I walked away abruptly, without explanation or parting words. I walked quickly with a thousand thoughts running through my mind, Then it happened. I thought I was dreaming. He chased after me...in the rain. He kissed me...in the rain. A speech about life and regrets was given. He was eloquent and genuine. That night would not be the last time our confusion and disillusion with real life would come into play. He chased me down more than once and it was so much more meaningful and romantic than in any movie I'd ever seen. But it came with a cost.
It's far from perfect what Byron and I had. He and I can admit that honestly. I feel like that is what makes what we had so great. We kept ourselves attached enough to reality to understand the gravity of the situation, but we also don't forget how we felt for each other. We both believe in equal parts fate and reality, romance and logic.
Then I decided to move to London....
Love hardly ever makes logical sense. The timing is almost never perfect. Emotions and outside factors complicate even the most stable of people. If this whole living abroad experience has taught me anything, it is that there are people in my life who refuse to walk out even when it gets tough. There are people, not places, that will always be my home. At the end of the day, it's not the ones who quit on you that matter; it's those people who love you at your absolute worst and best and will chase you in the rain. I am loved. I am worth it. I know that now, more than ever.
The longevity of relationships does haunt me from time to time, but then I tell the thoughts to leave me. I cannot control life or its circumstances. To be honest, I don't want to. I am living in this moment right now as a result of circumstances that I often did not understand, appreciate, or welcome.
Thank you to all of you who have loved me unconditionally when I know it was not easy. Thank you for holding my hand, for making me laugh, crying with me, for listening to me. Thank you for supporting me with no questions. It humbles me and my gratitude is overflowing.
