Something is Different...

Frankfurt, Germany is the same exact place it was when I was left. Besides the train fare, (now a whopping 4 Euros per way), things are comfortable and even seamless for me.  I glided off of the plane at the airport and headed straight toward customs, then Starbucks, then baggage claim, and even transitioned to speaking German already.  Then the sweet, familiar voice of Julia was shouting my name after I stepped out of the security doors.  After our typical greeting of lots of hug and laughter, we lugged what seemed like forty suitcases out the door to the car.  Then, a second warm greeting from her mom, and we were on our way to Bad Homburg, my new home.  

Even that was cozy. As we drove, we passed familiar castles and mountains. Splashes of orange, yellow, and red were setting in.  I smiled and relaxed into my seat  This was the best I had felt in a long time. Then, I was greeted by fleets of her family from all sides, embraced in hugs.

That night, jet lagged and goofy, I found myself in the home sweet home of MacGowen´s Irish Pub. I was surrounded by all of the favorite regulars from two years prior, and it felt as though no time had passed at all. My favorite, same elderly British men standing (not sitting) at the bar and sipping their whiskey, telling jokes and bursting out into ballads. 'How ya been, love?' They asked, and then went on singing and drinking the night away.  Details of this place were all the same.

But something was different.

Finally, one night, I understood the change. It was a shocking revelation to see that it was me who was different.  Viewing old photographs from my last time in Germany showed that over time, the light in my eyes had drastically dimmed. I envied the girl in those pictures and felt stranger to her. She had really embraced life and feared nothing...but mostly, she loved being 'Meg Miller.'

It became my fiercest and most honest goal to find that again. It seems clear to me that it is not only attainable, but that this, above all reasons stands to be why I am really here this time.

And this time, I will never allow that light to diminish.  Not for anyone, any place or anything.  Life is just too beautiful.

Fairy Trees and Conch Shells

My best friend Ashlynn, and I made a pact and a promise to visit Ireland someday together.  That is where this story begins.

The day came 4 years after the pact was made, and we were off to Dublin together. We toured Dublin, but mostly spent our time in the countryside and the coastal towns. One of the most impacting moments of the trip occurred when we were hiking on a family farm in a place known as "the Burren." We nearly reached the top of the limestone landscape when we came upon what our guide called, "fairy trees." Like witches fingers, the only thing that the otherwise bare trees contained were little pieces of string or cloth.  The guide elaborated that people climb up the Burren with their carefully selected piece to leave behind a worry or a trouble.  I tore a piece of my scarf and tied it around the tree.  Maybe it was because I was getting into the culture, or because the landscape enthralled me, but I truly felt like my worry had been left there that day.

Almost a year later, I found myself on the shores of Cozumel Mexico, walking down the beach, when I happened upon a driftwood tree that contained conch shells hung intentionally on the limbs.  I wondered in the back of my mind if these conch trees had the same purpose as the Irish fairy trees.

I asked a few locals in (very) broken Spanish if they knew the reason for it, to no avail.  For me, however, I carefully selected a beautiful conch shell from the hundreds that were lying on the beach and picked a spot on the driftwood branches.  I thought very hard about what worry I would be leaving behind, and hung the shell.

I am leaving the Keys, without fairy or conch trees to choose from. Worries, while natural, weigh us down, prevent growth, and make us fearful.  I am leaving the Keys to symbolically leave behind several conch shells and pieces of cloth. It is not an act to run away, but instead a confirmation that I have more to offer to the earth than worries and the emptiness that it brings.  We are complex beings, but we are full of love, kindness, bravery, and strength.  Even in the tough times, I knew that this was true all along.  And though I be but small, I am fierce (Thanks Shakespeare).

The Burren's Fairy Trees in Co. Clare, Ireland

Conch shell trees in Cozumel, Mexico