Frankfurt, Germany is the same exact place it was when I was left. Besides the train fare, (now a whopping 4 Euros per way), things are comfortable and even seamless for me. I glided off of the plane at the airport and headed straight toward customs, then Starbucks, then baggage claim, and even transitioned to speaking German already. Then the sweet, familiar voice of Julia was shouting my name after I stepped out of the security doors. After our typical greeting of lots of hug and laughter, we lugged what seemed like forty suitcases out the door to the car. Then, a second warm greeting from her mom, and we were on our way to Bad Homburg, my new home.
Even that was cozy. As we drove, we passed familiar castles and mountains. Splashes of orange, yellow, and red were setting in. I smiled and relaxed into my seat This was the best I had felt in a long time. Then, I was greeted by fleets of her family from all sides, embraced in hugs.
That night, jet lagged and goofy, I found myself in the home sweet home of MacGowen´s Irish Pub. I was surrounded by all of the favorite regulars from two years prior, and it felt as though no time had passed at all. My favorite, same elderly British men standing (not sitting) at the bar and sipping their whiskey, telling jokes and bursting out into ballads. 'How ya been, love?' They asked, and then went on singing and drinking the night away. Details of this place were all the same.
But something was different.
Finally, one night, I understood the change. It was a shocking revelation to see that it was me who was different. Viewing old photographs from my last time in Germany showed that over time, the light in my eyes had drastically dimmed. I envied the girl in those pictures and felt stranger to her. She had really embraced life and feared nothing...but mostly, she loved being 'Meg Miller.'
It became my fiercest and most honest goal to find that again. It seems clear to me that it is not only attainable, but that this, above all reasons stands to be why I am really here this time.
And this time, I will never allow that light to diminish. Not for anyone, any place or anything. Life is just too beautiful.
Finally, one night, I understood the change. It was a shocking revelation to see that it was me who was different. Viewing old photographs from my last time in Germany showed that over time, the light in my eyes had drastically dimmed. I envied the girl in those pictures and felt stranger to her. She had really embraced life and feared nothing...but mostly, she loved being 'Meg Miller.'
It became my fiercest and most honest goal to find that again. It seems clear to me that it is not only attainable, but that this, above all reasons stands to be why I am really here this time.
And this time, I will never allow that light to diminish. Not for anyone, any place or anything. Life is just too beautiful.
To be truly happy we have to follow our hearts, wherever that may lead us. Even though bad things can happen along the way, they can make us stronger and better people. We are usually afraid of what we want most because it poses the greatest risk, we have our heart and soul set on it and the possibility of us not reaching that goal can be almost unbearable. I have found that the lack of trying, letting fear or doubt get to me causes me far more suffering in the long run than following my heart. You are beautiful Meg, always have been, the world is a much better place with your light shining in it! Sometimes we have to fall and take a step back before we are able to move forward. I'm glad you're following your heart, don't ever stop.
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